- Devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchannon butts heads with a brash new recruit, as they uncover a criminal plot that threatens the future of the bay.
- It might not be time to bust out your beach towel and sunscreen just yet, but you can get your calendar ready with 20 movies you'll absolutely want to check out this.
- Watch the Baywatch - Official Trailer (2017). Head lifeguard Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) is informed by Captain Thorpe (Rob Huebel) that city.
- The new Baywatch movie is both a remake and a send-up of the preeningly stupid boobs-and-pecs TV lifeguard drama that was a joke the instant it premiered — though.
- Miley Cyrus Says Her Sex Life With Liam Hemsworth Is Like A Concorde Jet 'Outlander': Caitriona Balfe On Claire & Jamie's 'Beautiful, Aspirational Love Story'.
Baywatch is even emptier than its source material. C- Cast. Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Priyanka Chopra, Jon Bass.
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Availability. Theaters everywhere May 2. Nobody cares about Baywatch. With the exception of David Hasselhoff, Eastern European villages where it still runs in syndication, or Yasmine Bleeth’s lawyer, no one particularly harbors a lingering appreciation for the series that nevertheless lasted 1. When Baywatch is remembered at all, it’s for the most superficial of signifiers: Playboy Playmates in red swimsuits running in slow motion across sandy beaches, either toward or away from Hasselhoff’s hairy torso. There are no lasting, iconic characters, no memorable episodes fondly recalled. Baywatch is the rare work of pop culture that was already an empty, kitschy joke as it aired.
In many ways, this should work to the advantage of Seth Gordon’s Baywatch, a film inspired by the TV series and, more specifically, by those vague vestiges of its memory. After all, with no one demanding that they “honor the lore,” the filmmakers have plenty of latitude to have some fun with it—like in Phil Lord and Chris Miller’s hyper- meta 2. Jump Street movies, which set the current standard for self- aware spoofing of TV reboots. Or more recently in CHIPS, which showed just how difficult that trope is to replicate, a lesson that Baywatch sadlyreinforces.
Say it isn't so!
Gordon’s movie similarly aspires to satirize, yet still cash in on, its source material, by openly scoffing at the idea of a bunch of runway- ready lifeguards solving crimes. But its self- effacement is too halfhearted, its desire to deliver genuine thrills and jiggles too overwhelming, its central redemption story too oddly sincere. Ultimately, Baywatch can never make up its mind whether it wants to mock glitzy softcore action- fests or just be one. As hotshot new lifeguard recruit Matt Brody, Zac Efron expresses much of that self- awareness, constantly challenging Dwayne Johnson’s Lt. Mitch Buchannon over why it’s the job of pretty people in wetsuits to play detective. Brody, a washed- up bad- boy Olympian, has joined Buchannon’s team along with two fellow trainees—instantaneous love interest Summer (Alexandra Daddario) and token doofus Ronnie (newcomer Jon Bass, doing a passable Josh Gad)—and together with the sweet C. J. Most of these involve a local glamour- puss real estate developer (Priyanka Chopra), whose convoluted drug- smuggling, city- official- blackmailing, and land- grabbing aspirations would make for a fairly low- key episode of the original Baywatch.
Perhaps because it’s pointless to mock something so inherently hollow, Baywatch eventually gets so caught up in its rote action plot—and in delivering enough glistening curves, wicked jet ski chases, and montages of sexy people walking sexily—that it stops trying to make fun of any of it. The film instead becomes a m.
When all else fails, Bass takes his shirt off and flops around or does a sassy hip- hop dance routine. There is also a scene where Efron dresses up like a woman. Baywatch may occasionally feint toward satire, but it mostly just wants to trade some funny pics and look at some boobs, bro. It’s like a movie version of The Chive.
By leaning on the considerable charms and uncorked- genie enthusiasm of Dwayne Johnson, it very nearly succeeds in its disappointingly modest ambitions. Johnson seems to be willing Baywatch into being the action- comedy franchise he’s long deserved with every bulging vein in his body, and he’s so enthusiastic that you root for him to succeed, in spite of every misgiving.
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The film wrings some modest early laughs out of Efron’s Ryan Lochte- like douchiness, but it can never settle on just how big of an idiot he’s supposed to be. Weirdly, it also quickly reveals a backstory that makes his constant humiliations seem almost cruel. Meanwhile, he and Johnson have a disjointed repartee that’s half locker- room rivalry, half stepfather and rebellious stepson, and—outside of a few boy- band- related insults lobbed Efron’s way—it lacks the sparring necessary for these sorts of mismatched partnerships. Daddario has a feisty presence that’s mostly reduced to standing around, waiting for Efron to finish talking. The pleasant, goofily charming Rohrbach is unfortunately saddled with having to play a fantasy cool girl who’s flattered by Bass’ awkward pursuits for reasons that are not even close to articulated. And both Hadera and Chopra—who spends nearly every one of her lines bluntly reiterating that she’s the villain—disappear for huge stretches of time, all in order to make room for more of Johnson and Efron’s endless bickering over who’s a bigger boy. Dunkirk (2017) Free Streaming. Incredibly, Baywatch even manages to sideline comic ringers like Hannibal Buress, Rob Huebel, and Oscar Nunez, giving them dialogue that could have been read by anybody and characters too in service of pushing the generic exposition along to add anything to it.
As the exasperated beach cop who repeatedly reminds Johnson and Efron of their lack of any real jurisdiction, The Get Down’s Yahya Abdul- Mateen II makes the biggest impression, simply by dint of having a distinct personality. His scenes are enough to make you wish he’d just step in to replace either Johnson or Efron; which one honestly wouldn’t make much of a difference. With so much wasted potential, it’s hardly surprising that Baywatch went through six different screenwriters, a franchise dream team that is, collectively, responsible for Night At The Museum, Freddy Vs.
Jason, and The Smurfs. Here, they’ve designed another limp, shallow content- delivery machine that’s concerned only with hitting the notes legally required to use the Baywatch name. That philosophy continues right down to the obligatory “surprise” cameos from David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson, who, much like the constant slow motion, are there simply to congratulate the audience for getting the reference. After all, nobody—not even the filmmakers—cares about Baywatch all that much.
Yet the joke’s on them: In spoofing something so forgettable, they’ve made something even less memorable.
Baywatch Movie Is Idiotic Escapism. The new Baywatch movie, a reboot of the Nineties beach- set crime- and- melodrama TV series, continues Hollywood’s unoriginal marketing. It holds momentary interest for the way it adapts television culture (free, meaningless distraction) for a new era. Order Food Evolution (2017) Movie. Respectively, they play lifeguards Mitch and Matt — not entirely interchangeable but alliterative nonentities who bring little distinction to the basic formula.
The combination of over- the- top action- movie stunts and crass humor is shameless, both below- the- belt and beneath most folks’ IQs. These shills don’t call it a “renaissance,” because that word might intimidate victims of our failed education system and even cynics realize that nothing gets reborn in Hollywood, that recycling is not the same as being given new life. And Johnson’s and Efron’s exaggerated beefcake and lame ethnic contrasts add to the overkill. Only a child mired in TV culture’s hard sell would find any of this unique. Such unenlightened appreciation would be a sign of the cultural catastrophe in which old television shows are granted the same interest that Hollywood used to give to classic drama and literature.
This pop- culture emergency is more urgent that the film’s plot, in which the team of lifeguards oppose a drug dealer (Priyanka Chopra), an idea rehashed from last month’s movie version of the TV series CHi. Ps. Baywatch, while offering incessant juvenile sitcom bromides about competition (competence) and sex (relationships), disguises those concerns while making them trite. It plays the audience cheap. This blatancy is regressive. A Baywatch movie works backward from the Sixties beach- movie series Gidget that then became a TV show. The display of muscle strain during a Rock vs.
Zac beach competition is worse than obvious; it’s not as light- hearted as the beach competition in Dirty Grandpa, and it misses the reality- show tension of Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. But we are at a stage of escapist desperation that a critic has to wonder whether that desperation is worth exposing. Neither Johnson’s Mitch nor Efron’s Matt shows the depth that might make audiences relate to them as people. But consider the beach- movie idea to which Baywatch is historically inferior. Alexander Mackendrick’s sex farce Don’t Make Waves (1.
American morality as nearing collapse. In Daniel Petrie’s The Lifeguard (1. Sam Elliott faces moral obligation. And, best of all, recall Eric Rohmer’s serene, erotic farce Pauline at the Beach (1.
All dealt with the sexual mores of their times, but TV culture never gets that deep and apparently has not inspired erotic reflection even in a reboot. But the lesson that must be learned is that escapism — especially when it’s TV- based — amounts to cultural idiocy.
Despite its sun- bright carousing, cuss words, and explosions, Baywatch merely takes its cue from TV manipulation of the shut- in’s — and the adolescent’s — sexual prurience. These hedonistic beach- bunny hijinks are Hollywood’s own winking equivalent of the 7. Armond White is the author of New Position: The Prince Chronicles.