Why Your Team Sucks 2. Philadelphia Eagles. Some people are fans of the Philadelphia Eagles. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Philadelphia Eagles.
This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team: Philadelphia Eagles. Your 2. 01. 6 record: 7- 9. I promise you that will not stop these fans from thinking that they’re poised to go 1.
Philly fans talk a good hate game, but secretly they’re the most gullible marks in the world. Your coach: Doug Pederson, who always looks like he’s about to offer you a hamburger off his grill. Pederson is only in his second season and yet—bizarrely—he’s already on the hot seat and being treated as a placeholder body (just like when he was a QB!) by football ops guy and possible Stephen Miller body double Howie Roseman: Doug stayed to the side. Doug did not speak unless spoken to first. Doug did not assert. Doug confirmed. Doug nodded in agreement.
Doug deferred. Doug did not betray or reveal any contributions to the research and scouting and thought process that went into each draft pick, because Doug is not Andy Reid or Chip Kelly or Bill Belichick or any number of head coaches who act or have acted as the nerve centers for their respective teams. This was Roseman and Douglas’ show, their exchanged glances and the awkward anecdotes about their collaboration reaffirming how closely they had worked together and how relatively small Pederson’s role had been. That seems healthy. Why can’t this team have a NORMAL relationship with its coach?
There’s less jockeying for power in the White House, for shit’s sake. Your quarterback: Dakota Boy. This guy and his fucking hunting trips. I’ve really, truly had enough. We get it, kid. You like to hunt. You’re a COUNTRY BOY OOOOOOOH.
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Congrats on being every baseball player ever. If there were such a thing as karma, one of Carson Wentz’s own linemen would have accidentally blasted his foot off. It’s like someone took the worst parts of JJ Watt and made a QB out of it. Meanwhile, Wentz’s game log from last season read like someone charted declining literacy rates in Bridesburg. He was the Second Coming for three games and then proceeded to suck. If he were black, people would have said they finally got tape on him.
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But because he’s white and hunts, he’ll get another 1. Bible- humping jackass. Backing up Wentz is whatever’s left of Nick Foles’s confidence. What’s new that sucks: It’s a hallmark of Howie Roseman’s tenure that any time this team shows a whiff of promise, they must instantly go into WIN NOW OR ELSE IT’S EVERYONE ELSE’S FAULT BUT HOWIE’S mode.
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Hence bringing in Alshon Jeffery (hurt already), Torrey Smith, Chris Long, Timmy Jernigan, and Le. Garrette Blount, who is worthless any time he isn’t playing for New England.
One step out of Massachusetts and the man magically gains 6. Today, they traded away Jordan Matthews and are left with the only group of wideouts on earth who drop more passes than he does. All of this is destined to fail.
These are the Eagles. You should know this by now.
However, the city of Philadelphia is currently in the grip of a strange disease brought on by the failed former general manager of the city’s most hapless sports franchise. Now every hapless Philly team is spouting TRUST THE PROCESS like a bunch of braindead goons. Pederson said it. Roseman said it. As if you should ever trust the process of any Philly team. Buy You Were Never Really Here (2017) The Movie On Dvd. Have you MET Philadelphia? This is where promise goes to die.
You guys are the same sorry bunch of meat- breathing losers you’ve always been, and the Eagles are still run by the same office politician who brought you the Vince Young/Nnamdi Asomugha Dream Team. The last supposed visionary this team employed got shoved out of town after less than three years of service. But give these people a white redneck at QB and suddenly they’re all sunshine and rainbows. What a load. There’s every possibility that Wentz will struggle in his second season, and the defense will blow, after which everyone will chuck their patience and start screaming for blame. And you know what? That’s for the best. It’s like seeing John Daly in a tuxedo. Download The New Rogue One Trailer (2016) Movie here.
IS IT SOMETHING IN THE WOODER? Literally every Eagles fan is a racist bald guy in a Buddy Ryan- era jersey. What has always sucked: Jeff Lurie is the exact kind of billionaire liberal fundraiser raconteur that deserves to be sealed in an oil tanker. He can hang with Spielberg and talk a big game about putting a nacho compost pile in the corner of the Linc, but he’s just as much of a humorless, dictatorial bastard as the rest of them: Fuck him. As for Philly, no one who talks about it as an up- and- coming the city has ever been west of 4. Street. Philly’s subway system literally goes up and down just three streets, and until less than a year ago it used tokens.
Now there’s a new pass system, and it’s very simple, but in perfect Philly fashion, everyone is too stupid to understand even that somehow, which is why everyone thinks it sucks. The stadiums are in a shitty, out of the way giant parking lot that is walkable to nothing except the hulking Xfinity Live supermeatheadbar. Philly’s big culinary creations are the complicated concoctions of “hot meat and cheese on bread” and “cold meat and cheese on bread.” There is, for some reason, a giant dude in the skyline. There is, for some other reason, a statue of a fictional boxer that is one of the city’s top tourist attractions.
The humidity is approximately 2. And the Eagles are somehow even worse.
Since Mc. Nabb left, the only good moments the Eagles have had were directed by a fat little idiot from college alongside a dog killer. And the racist fans didn’t like Mc. Nabb, the best QB the team has ever had, anyway.
The new- ish stadium is somehow a worse place to watch a game than the toilet the team used to play in, and every year they sign free agents who bomb. They’re never going to win a Super Bowl. Serves you all right. You people think eating at a gas station is the height of cuisine. Did you know? Amoroso rolls are the new batteries.
There really isn’t anything else to write. Enjoy the perfect timing in this slice of today’s. Andy: Temple University football has won more championship trophies at Lincoln Financial Field than the Eagles have. Justin: The best QBs in this teams modern era have been Randall Cunningham, Donovan Mc. Nabb and Michael Vick - all guys I’ve heard described in the parking lot as quarterbacks who “could not read a defense.” Now everyone is happy with Flacco Jr. Mark: They make the Phillies look like they have potential, make the Flyers look like they have nice fans and make the Sixers look smart.
Joe: Kellyanne Conway. David: Our idiot mouth breathing fans and lazy sports radio hosts love to talk about defensive end Brandon Graham like he’s an all- pro.
Graham had 5. 5 sacks last year. Sean: I’m an Eagles fan, and I hate 9. Eagles fans. Philly citizenry buy the most sweatpants in America. Ian: I searched my gmail outbox for “Philadelphia Eagles” to make sure I wasn’t submitting anything I’d sent in previous years. I found the following outgoing subject lines, presented chronologically: 1. I hate life 1. They are dead to me 4/2.
I’ll kill you 5/1/0. Oh fuck 6/2. 9/0.
I owe you an apology 1. There were two people in feet costumes behind Rex Ryan at the game yesterday 1/1. Football Sunday?
Absolutely not 4/2. Fucking TEBOW? Challenging a 2- yard reception in the 3rd quarter of a game so that instead of 2nd and 8 it was 2nd and 1. Matt: The best QB in team history threw- up during our only Super Bowl appearance in my lifetime (I’m almost 3. WR on a team that employed Todd Pinkston having to call a play in the huddle.
We let FRED- EX call a play in the Super Bowl. William: Two seasons ago my Dad and I went to see the Eagles play Miami. Seated behind us were three of the most miserable human beings on the planet, who provided running commentary throughout the game.
How to Start Your Own Podcast. The podcast craze of the past several years shows no signs of slowing down, and while every armchair broadcaster with a voice recorder app is eager to get in the game, creating a professional- sounding podcast isn’t as simple as it might seem. Here’s how to create, record, and publish your own basic podcast—and get people to listen.*This story originally ran in June 2. August 2. 01. 7 with additional reporting from Patrick Austin.*Before You Start, Be Ready to Commit. Before you rush into things, it’s important to keep in mind that podcasts take a lot of effort to get going.
They’re not just recordings of people talking (not the good ones, anyway). Pat Flynn, host of the Smart Passive Income podcast, recommends you treat podcasting the same way you would any other big project: Podcasting is extremely fun and exciting, but there is one thing you must do before you start podcasting: Commit. You must internally commit to podcasting, as you must do with anything that is potentially beneficial but takes some time and effort to do. It’s easy to assume that podcasts are easy to produce because they’re audio only, but don’t be fooled. They can take up a lot of time to put together, especially at first.
Also, podcasts do best when they’re released consistently. If you’re interested in developing any kind of listener base, you have to be ready to release episodes on a regular basis.
All in all, podcasting can be fun work, but it’s still work and should be treated as such. You also shouldn’t expect to get rich from podcasting either. It’s certainly possible to generate income from podcasting, but that usually requires advertisements and sponsorships—both of which you’ll get after you’ve built up a listenership big enough to make it worthwhile to advertisers. If you’re not interested in starting a podcast for the fun of it or to have your voice heard, you might not get much out of it unless you already have an audience. What You’ll Need. You can’t start a podcast without equipment, and good equipment will go a long way.
Here’s what you’ll need: Microphone(s): Any microphone will work for recording your podcast, but listeners can usually tell the difference between low and high quality microphones. If you’re not sure what to look for, our list of the five best desktop microphones is a great place to start (I use four analog Audio- Technica AT2. As you shop around, you’ll also need to decide whether you want to use a USB or analog (XLR) microphone. USB mics convert analog sound into digital so you can plug a USB mic directly into any computer and start recording without much hassle, but you could potentially get lower audio quality compared to analog. Considering you don’t need any extra tools or devices to record with a USB mic, they can be a little cheaper in the long run. Analog microphones use XLR connectors, which means you need another device to get your audio onto your computer, but you can get higher audio quality and can use them with other sound equipment (if you had a PA system or wanted to play live music, for example). Of course, if you have a gaming headset or other basic microphone around, you can easily use that too.
Portable XLR Recorder (optional): If you plan on using analog microphones for your podcast, you’ll need something that captures your analog audio and converts it to digital. Portable XLR recorders can capture multiple microphone channels and allow you to do basic sound level adjusting and muting on the fly. Audio files automatically get organized and stored on a memory card that you can insert into a card reader or slot in your computer.
These are amazing tools, but they can be expensive. You can find them for anywhere between $1. I use a $4. 00 Zoom H6 Handy Recorder with four available analog channels). Audio Interface (optional): If you want to record directly to your computer with your analog microphones, you’ll need an audio interface.
These devices allow you to plug in one or more analog microphones and will convert the analog audio to digital. Most audio interfaces will connect to your computer via USB or Firewire. Audio interfaces can cost as little as $3. Thankfully, editing audio doesn’t take a ton of computing power.
Additionally, depending on how you choose to record—directly to the computer or onto a dedicated recording device—your computer will also need the right ports. USB microphones, for example, will obviously need an open USB port. If you’re using analog microphones with a portable XLR recorder or audio interface device, you’ll need either a 3. USB port, or in some cases, a Firewire port. So before you spend any money on equipment, make sure you have a computer that can support it.
Audio Editing Software: For the actual recording and editing, you’ll need a Digital Audio Workstation (or DAW), there are a lot of good options out there, but the licenses for some of them can cost a pretty penny, though. Licenses for professional level DAWs like Reason or Pro Tools can cost anywhere between $3. Apps like Hindenburg offer simpler audio editing software for under $1. Reaper is a fully loaded audio production app for $6. Adobe’s audio editing software Audition CC is available with a $1.
Because of that, most people will recommend free open source programs like Audacity when you’re just getting started, and that’s what we’ll use an example throughout this how- to guide. Pop Filters (optional): The clearer your audio can sound, the better.
Pop filters, while not required, are fairly cheap and can keep your plosives from making a nasty sound on your recording. If you don’t want to buy any, though, you can make some of your own. You might be thinking that all this equipment is pretty expensive, and you’re not wrong. However keep in mind that decent audio equipment will last forever if you take care of it.
It may be expensive to get started, but after the initial purchase, you’re set. Step One: Narrow Your Topic and Find Your Niche. Just like blogs, there are a ton of podcasts out there. That means that you can probably find a podcast about everything under the sun already. Don’t get discouraged!
While just about every broad topic is already covered, you just have to find your spin on things to make an old idea something new. Dear Lifehacker, As a side project/experiment, I’ve started my own blog. The problem is, now that I . Maybe you narrow your idea down from music in general to bluegrass specifically. Now your coverage is specific: the music, people, and culture of bluegrass. Once you have your topic narrowed down, it helps to add a spin to it.
Maybe you talk about bluegrass music and culture while sipping moonshine with your co- hosts. It’s kind of true that everything has been done before, but it hasn’t all been done the way you would do it. So find an angle that’s personally interesting and you’ll be better off. Step Two: Download, Install, and Set Up Audacity. As mentioned earlier, Audacity is a great DAW for podcasting beginners.
It’s open source, free to use as long as you like, and is available for Windows, OS X, and Linux. Before you can jump into recording, however, there are a few tricks to getting it all set up properly: Download Audacity 2. Connect your microphone and open Audacity. See if your microphone is being recognized by Audacity by checking the drop- down menu next to the small microphone icon.
If you see your mic, go ahead and select it. In the top- left corner, you should see the pause, play, stop, skip back, skip forward, and record buttons. Click the record button and talk into your mic to make sure it’s working properly.
Stop recording and playback what you just recorded to make sure everything sounds okay. You’ll want to export your audio in the MP3 format later on. In order to do that, you’ll need to download and install the Lame MP3 encoder for either Windows or Mac.
Once that’s installed, close and reopen Audacity. Record yourself talking for a few seconds like before, then go to File, then Export Audio, and select MP3 Files in the .